Sorting Plans

So I was scrolling pinterest for some ideas on my next workstation at home.

Yes,

You read that right. ok a little recap of what I have to deal with now.

  • I am currently pregnant and I think I am going through my 5th month ( I have no idea how many weeks because check ups have been out of considerations for this baby and all \i can do is pray that he is well and healthy inside)
  • Husband is now working in a different state and and I am left to deal with the house and toddler alone.
  • I am also working now.
  • I have fainted once due to lethargy.
  • I rarely cook now because I barely have any energy left once I got back home. And went to bed as early as 9 nowadays.
  • Living my daily life counting days to friday because husband will be back then.

so that is about it. I am happy at my workplace- i get to earn, I get to socialize, my colleagues are not crazy people like last time. The only complaint that I have for this job is that  have to sometimes leave the office for field work. Which i despise the most because simple – I GOT NO ENERGY. ( This baby sucks out the energy in me like no one else and phew,I just hope it grows well, never mind me being tired whatsoever,as long as you’re doing good inside it’s okay)

Then, Life took an unexpected turn. Husband finally got a permanent job at a very stable company but the trick here is that it is in a different state. Which leaves me here ( an hour and half away alone with a toddler, and pregnant. Oh and working). Initially I thought we can do this, until I got too tired and fainted. And then I realized that what is the point of staying here when my husband is away and what exactly am I doing in this state? At some point, i hated myself for being too positive about what is happening in my life right now because in the end I am the only one having to deal with the hardship.

So we discussed about the possibility of building our lives back in the previous state. I have mixed feelings about this.

  • I am happy because I get to live with my husband again and that my kid(s) will be a able to see their dad everyday.
  • The last time I lived there I am better spiritually so yes, I definitely look forward to that.
  • The fact that I get to focus on my kid and not having to report or contemplate between my job or my kid is just a mental freedom. This would be very very important when the new baby arrives.
  • I hate the fact that I might not be able to earn anymore. Earning gives me a sense of freedom- to help my husband, to do things I want or simply buy things I want. When I became independent to my husband- at some point you’ll feel like it is easy because all you have to do is ask your husband if you want to buy anything. But to a certain extent- you just want to earn on your own.
  • I really like the current house that we live in now. It is complete to the point where I don’t have to think about buying other things for the house. Shifting ( for one last time) may not gave me the same feeling as most houses in the state would probably be not-furnished.

Can we just fast forward to the time where I can be at peace with all these thoughts and my husband stays with us, i get to cook for him everyday, play with my kids without guilt. and earn my own money!

All these thoughts are slowly killing my modjo. Like what exactly does God wants me to do? my mom always told me that a wife’s place is always by her husband. But she also told me to find a replacement job before shifting. The thing is:

  • I can only quit after my maternity leave next year
  • husband told me that I can only look for a job after the second baby is around 7 months.

So, what do I do now?

All I can think of now is…

  • be pregnant and healthy until mid December- then take unpaid leave for nesting period.
  • Survive the fact that husband will not be able to be there for me all the time.
  • I have so far figured out  the laundry and the trash schedule without having to drain my energy on daily basis.
  • I HAVE TO figure out the cooking part because buying meals is EXPENSIVE!

Seriously man, if it wasn’t because of the money I would have quit this moment and go stay with my husband instead of going through all these hassle. it is soooo freakin’ tiring. I cannot say that enough. so back to why I was scrolling the office pictures? because I need to have my own space at the new place where I can probably set up the computer nicely, blog just to keep me sane. Things like that.

 

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I want to make a list of baby stuff that I need for the new baby but as soon as I want to do it my mind got distracted by some other thoughts. Is this the universe trying to tell me that it’s not time?

That Day When I Got Sick

Being a mother, health is a luxury that you would treasure the most like on any days you can’t even afford to be sick. When your husband is around, he can basically play tag and just take over the duty of being the fun parent while you get to rest. However, recently, my husband was transferred to a different state so on most of the days I’d be here handling my work and life alone and that includes my kid. I told him I will be fine and that I just have to survive 5 days without him around. But lo and behold, Allah decided that I should learn something new.

I fell sick.

Why do I say Allah wants me to learn new things?

Because I have never fell sick (since I’m a mother) when ted is not around. I do get light headache and allergy flu but that is it. A mere pop of the pill would instantly make me feel better. This time I cough a flu bug from my colleague and it got worst. I can even feel my throat burning and I rarely get cough so when I got one I know it will happen. I sort of pray that I would get better after a good night sleep on the first day but no Jose, It gets worst. On the second day, my whole body is aching (or protesting) and i was sneezing madly. come lunch hour, I was already too tired, I slept on my office floor. Colleagues said that I even snored and they were so nice to just let me sleep instead of making the usual noise. When I woke up they say good morning, how do you feel? and of course terrible was my answer. I was told that I can go up to the office lunge and I was a stage where I couldn’t even care if my boss will be angry at me for doing so or not. So I went up, slept in until it was about time to go back, I was actually awoken by the security who was locking up everything.

Going back- I keep telling myself that I must be positive and that I can’t be carried away with this sickness because I have a kid at home that would rely on me for everything. Alhamdulillah, everything was smooth. Even the nanny told me that baby A didn’t have a long nap so he might be a little tired. So last night we both went to bed around 8.30 and I am just glad that Baby A didn’t throw any fit about that. Lol.

I think, this time being sick I remain positive even though Ted wasn’t around and that I am pregnant with a toddler to handle. I can’t even cook or tidy up the house but at least I fed him something yesterday. There is always something new to learn from motherhood and even when you least expect it- you just have to let go of your comfort zone and embrace every single lesson that Allah has placed in your path. Alhamdulillah for this.

 

oh, I am still under the weather but at least today I can type.

GTG.

oxox

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I think I am going through my second trimester (I don’t know how far along I am exactly now) but all my nausea and lethargy is sort of gone because I still am sensitive to some of the food. The biggest problem now is the back pain that is unbearable sometimes and it bugs me the most especially when my husband is not around.

I haven’t been able to go on check up at the government’s clinic and I know scolding is just on my way but with this new job I just can’t help it. I have been so unwell the first trimester that I skipped work just to rest.

Now I can eat better, and I am still on the watch for my sugar intake and I am trying as much as I can to eat healthy food and portions. how’s baby doing? I hope well. I have been pushing myself quiet a lot this time and I am just hoping that this baby is strong.

We are pretty ecstatic about Baby A to have a younger brother next year and I pray that the both of them will be the best of brothers.

As for myself? I need to start listing down what I need to get for both me and baby and post natal care so that we both can be prepared.

Xoxo

Career Gal

The last a year and half I have been hoping and praying for a job that could make me happy and to be honest, I am not quiet sure what would. But over the years, I realized day by day what kind of work that would make me happy. I remembered the time when I pray for a job that is simple, that I could still go back home everyday without having to think about it or worst, dragging work back home. Now that I am a mother, not bringing back work is crucial as I have to make sure that when I’m home, it is an exclusive time for me and my family- nothing else.

I have also prayed that I would get a job that I enjoyed doing- partially teaching, desk job, heaps of English communication, understanding bosses. My last job was all about teaching and the other party, not much me. I was working my ass off but none was appreciated. it was as if i didn’t try hard enough, never enough for anyone.

In this new job- I am still trying to get used to the idea of working here  where I am required to multitask on different projects, have insights on almost everything and bosses expect me to always be on my very best.

I am not complaining. I seriously am not. If there’s are anything that I could wish for more in this company are higher salary ( who doesn’t, right?) and more off days ( again, who doesn’t, right?) but apart from that- I am totally okay with this job.

It gets kind of crazy to be expected to do so many thing like right now I am expected to boost the marketing promo, attending inquiries for the potential clients, prepare modules and at the same time attend to the current students. It is all a lot for my plate but I am slowly getting the hang of it. I have great colleagues whom I can mingle well, bosses that I can communicate even when I may seem to be too transparent and I get to enjoy my lunch at my desk just like how I love them. I am not expected to be dressy but I have made a mental promise to myself that I will at least try to dress up better and to get a well curated wardrobe as I progresses into this job. Sometimes it is overwhelming at work- because I can’t seem to juggle things well, sometimes it does get to me that they gave me too much but then I am reminded of the time when I don’t have any thing to do but complaint about how difficult it is to land a job. There will be days when I hate going to work, there will also be days where I enjoyed work- life just need that sort of balance you know.

But, even when things doesn’t exactly go my way- I need to always remind myself that  I, we, need this job more than ever. and that I gotta be strong, my kid gotta be strong. We need to survive this fog.

My future du’a for this job?

That this will be a good one for me,and our small family and from this job I’d get to save up, finish all my debts, buy a house and treat my parents well. as simple as that, really.

 

 

 

 

 

So after much hassle and troubles we finally move into our new place.  The move itself was chaotic because everything was so rushed and the fact that we got so little time to do everything makes it even more difficult. Thinking of it still gave me headache and lethargy. nevertheless, lets focus on the bright side- we have moved!

I have to make sure that I make a lot of du’a praying that this is the last house that we will live in and hopefully the next one is our own permanent home. I gotta say that this move will not happen if it wasn’t for my sister in law who helped a lot! I am most of the time out of energy because of my low blood pressure most probably because of not eating right throughout the weekend. like I would totally black out from the world in a matter of seconds.

And all the packing and unpacking goes to my husband and SIL and God bless these two for doing so many physical work, I can’t even imagine the lethargy that they are going through.

The house now looks decent and ready for guests and the only part that needs some work is the wet kitchen. the sink doesn’t quiet work and we have been struggling with washing the dishes. Also, I need to re organize the pantry and the cabinets so that it will be easier for us to navigate in the kitchen later. but goodness! i barely have energy even to walk in the house!

Please pray that I have heaps of energy soon and that this house will be a hppay house for us, InsyaAllah.

 

GTG, work now