For the umpteenth time, WE ARE RELOCATING.
I know, I know, we have been moving in and out like it is super easy to do. But really, it is a lottt of work and very taxing. no matter how much we hate it- somehow God just wants us to do it and i think we have shifted more than 4 times within this two years. I hate it. i truly do. Especially now that I am pregnant.
This time around, we are shifting based on a more permanent idea due to my husband’s career and I need to pray that this is for good. The next time that we move it better be our own place and not another rental. (I HATE IT SO MUCH)
After so much contemplation on this matter- I love my job but also hates it because I end up very tired after work and i gotta go home and handle my kid alone but I also love the fact that I am earning. So, I have been trying to stall the idea until one fine week, God decided to take the water supply back from our current home and that is when I can see that oh shit- I can’t do this on my own. I followed my husband back to his work and even though I skipped work, I never felt so calm and focused on my kid at that time. And then when I came back to work, boss was very concerned about how I was doing and I just feel like I have to tell this guy. So I did, and he suggested that I resigned immediately. To be honest the reason why I am sad is that the paycheck that I won’t be receiving by the end of every month. That’s it. Other than that I am relieved that I can finally be reunited with my husband and that my kids gets to see their dad everyday.
So far, the process to move out has been smooth, in fact, smoother than I thought. We manage to find a replacement for our current house, scored a good home at the new place with the owner whom we can negotiate the deposit, manage to get some discounts on our lorry. Our current landlord even wants to give us back a portion of our depo since we helped her with the replacement. This is more than enough to make me feel at ease about this decision. Initially I was worried about the money since moving out costs a lot. and this plan is so sudden we barely have time to save up for it. But Allah is the best planner. I have to believe that this is too, part of His grand plan.
Right now, I am slowly getting used to the idea that I will be a stay at home mom and spending the whole day with my kid. I need to come up with activities to keep him occupied and for me to be happy at home. I need to enjoy cooking, prepping meals, feeding my kid, teaching him new stuff. Basically enjoying motherhood and domestic issues. The biggest aim of all, I really want to be close to Him again, fix what is broken in our life and be happier muslim there. insyaAllah.
I scrolled back to my previous entries and realized how much my life has changed in the span of few months.
We were both out of job for 5 months>husband got a job in Gebeng> husband quits> I got a job> I found out I’m pregnant>husband got another job in Klang valley> we shifted to a new house closer to my workplace>Husband got relocated to a different state permanently>I have to deal with everything on my own.
and as days goes by I found out that my motivation deteriorates slowly as if It is a landslide getting worst as the rain falls down. wow. my imagination.
It is difficult trying to grasp on whatever motivation that I can muster especially knowing that I am not going to stay any longer in this company. It has been three days of working that I find myself having trouble focusing. Like I know I got things t do, but not major things. things that doesn’t excite me anymore. I am at the stage where I dont even mind not paid.
what is this shit man. where is that strong ND who doesn’t give a shit about anybody and just do whatever she thinks is good for her?
Today, I may or may not post multiple posts. just random thoughts on things. I just need to be critical about things in my life just so that I won’t be stuck in this negativity.
Scrolling through my old posts in this blog, i stumbled upon my post on my second trimester with baby A. Phew, it was completely different. This time around everything is amplified- the pain, the nausea, even the lethargy. I even fainted once and I though my body is getting weaker or something but then I read Maria Elena’s blog where she shared her experience with her second born pregnancy. She had the same thing- reduced blood flow to the brain that could cause you to faint. Only that she didn’t. So, I’m assuming that I am normal. still normal.
This time, pregnancy wise, I keep telling myself to take things slow. even with the active baby A, i have to tell him to take it slow. At work, i gotta remind myself to take things slow so that I won’t hyperventilates and panic. Because I am alone, I could not take the risk of being tired or having zero energy by the time I get home. I have to make sure that at least I can still do some more things by the time I’m home. I have to play with A and make sure that all his necessities are well taken care of.
Emotionally now has been a roller coaster, and it takes a lot of mind control to not be overwhelmed by all that is happening in my life and all that I have to bear. I admit, I do talk to friends about it but that doesn’t mean that I am complaining- mostly I am just venting. hahahahaha
ooh its almost time to go back.
” God gave you trials and tribulations because God also give you the strength to go through it. So hold on to Him and just trust Him”
To me what seems to be a beautiful quote and fitting to my circumstances right now. Something that sort of tells me that “Hey, dont worry- You can do this. Because you know what- He got your back”
Most of the things that has happened or will happen- every time I think about them- I would most probably be negative about the ability to do it but somehow, I did and here I am- alive.
I don’t know how i survived a three-day labor pain stuck in the hospital and giving birth to a whopping 4 kg baby.
I don’t know how we survived 5 months of unemployment with a kid to raise up.
I don’t know how i will be able to survive this long-distance marriage while being pregnant and having to deal with a toddler all on my own…
but I believe that God is behind me in all of these and there is a reason to every bit of it and from Him I find strength to just….redah man.
My brain can’t seem to get the hang on work today even though I have been trying to read work-related stuff. So, I am going to list down things that I need for the new baby. Just to get my mind going for a bit. Then get back to work.
So there are a few sections that I have to think/plan of:
(after i typed that I went out for lunch with colleagues and had good korean food)
Ok, there are a few part about the prep. these parts may not be applicable for other parents since these are based on what we have prepared for our first born. ( I may edit this post until my nesting period. I keep on forgetting things)
- Post-partum Care Box(Mommy)
- Post Partum Care Box(Baby)
- Hospital Bag
- Baby Essentials at Home
So, lets begin.
- Postpartum Care Box for Mommy
- Sanitary pads Overnight
- disposable cotton panties
- Postpartum care-pills etc especially that poop pill!
2. Postpartum Care Box for baby
- Hand sanitizer
- new born diapers
- cotton wipes
- wet wipes (lots of it)
- ointment- Yuyee, Telon
3. Hospital Bag (please pack separately for mommy and baby
- Disposable cotton panties
- Overnight Sanitary Pads
- Shower Kit ( please include comb, hairband and deodorant)
- Discharge Outfit (iron-less, breast feeding friendly, match hijab)
- Kain Batik
- For baby: two sets of outfits, swaddle, wet wipes, diapers, hat,socks and mittens.
4. Baby and Mommy Essentials at Home
- Baby cot for safety reasons
- Breast pump and milk collector
- Milk bottles for baby (2 or 3)
- Steamer (consider)
- Bath basin