I want to make a list of baby stuff that I need for the new baby but as soon as I want to do it my mind got distracted by some other thoughts. Is this the universe trying to tell me that it’s not time?
Being a mother, health is a luxury that you would treasure the most like on any days you can’t even afford to be sick. When your husband is around, he can basically play tag and just take over the duty of being the fun parent while you get to rest. However, recently, my husband was transferred to a different state so on most of the days I’d be here handling my work and life alone and that includes my kid. I told him I will be fine and that I just have to survive 5 days without him around. But lo and behold, Allah decided that I should learn something new.
I fell sick.
Why do I say Allah wants me to learn new things?
Because I have never fell sick (since I’m a mother) when ted is not around. I do get light headache and allergy flu but that is it. A mere pop of the pill would instantly make me feel better. This time I cough a flu bug from my colleague and it got worst. I can even feel my throat burning and I rarely get cough so when I got one I know it will happen. I sort of pray that I would get better after a good night sleep on the first day but no Jose, It gets worst. On the second day, my whole body is aching (or protesting) and i was sneezing madly. come lunch hour, I was already too tired, I slept on my office floor. Colleagues said that I even snored and they were so nice to just let me sleep instead of making the usual noise. When I woke up they say good morning, how do you feel? and of course terrible was my answer. I was told that I can go up to the office lunge and I was a stage where I couldn’t even care if my boss will be angry at me for doing so or not. So I went up, slept in until it was about time to go back, I was actually awoken by the security who was locking up everything.
Going back- I keep telling myself that I must be positive and that I can’t be carried away with this sickness because I have a kid at home that would rely on me for everything. Alhamdulillah, everything was smooth. Even the nanny told me that baby A didn’t have a long nap so he might be a little tired. So last night we both went to bed around 8.30 and I am just glad that Baby A didn’t throw any fit about that. Lol.
I think, this time being sick I remain positive even though Ted wasn’t around and that I am pregnant with a toddler to handle. I can’t even cook or tidy up the house but at least I fed him something yesterday. There is always something new to learn from motherhood and even when you least expect it- you just have to let go of your comfort zone and embrace every single lesson that Allah has placed in your path. Alhamdulillah for this.
oh, I am still under the weather but at least today I can type.
I give myself 3 months to adapt to this new environment. I am going through the third month. so far so good.
I give myself a year to very good in this job- insyaAllah.
I think I am going through my second trimester (I don’t know how far along I am exactly now) but all my nausea and lethargy is sort of gone because I still am sensitive to some of the food. The biggest problem now is the back pain that is unbearable sometimes and it bugs me the most especially when my husband is not around.
I haven’t been able to go on check up at the government’s clinic and I know scolding is just on my way but with this new job I just can’t help it. I have been so unwell the first trimester that I skipped work just to rest.
Now I can eat better, and I am still on the watch for my sugar intake and I am trying as much as I can to eat healthy food and portions. how’s baby doing? I hope well. I have been pushing myself quiet a lot this time and I am just hoping that this baby is strong.
We are pretty ecstatic about Baby A to have a younger brother next year and I pray that the both of them will be the best of brothers.
As for myself? I need to start listing down what I need to get for both me and baby and post natal care so that we both can be prepared.
The last a year and half I have been hoping and praying for a job that could make me happy and to be honest, I am not quiet sure what would. But over the years, I realized day by day what kind of work that would make me happy. I remembered the time when I pray for a job that is simple, that I could still go back home everyday without having to think about it or worst, dragging work back home. Now that I am a mother, not bringing back work is crucial as I have to make sure that when I’m home, it is an exclusive time for me and my family- nothing else.
I have also prayed that I would get a job that I enjoyed doing- partially teaching, desk job, heaps of English communication, understanding bosses. My last job was all about teaching and the other party, not much me. I was working my ass off but none was appreciated. it was as if i didn’t try hard enough, never enough for anyone.
In this new job- I am still trying to get used to the idea of working here where I am required to multitask on different projects, have insights on almost everything and bosses expect me to always be on my very best.
I am not complaining. I seriously am not. If there’s are anything that I could wish for more in this company are higher salary ( who doesn’t, right?) and more off days ( again, who doesn’t, right?) but apart from that- I am totally okay with this job.
It gets kind of crazy to be expected to do so many thing like right now I am expected to boost the marketing promo, attending inquiries for the potential clients, prepare modules and at the same time attend to the current students. It is all a lot for my plate but I am slowly getting the hang of it. I have great colleagues whom I can mingle well, bosses that I can communicate even when I may seem to be too transparent and I get to enjoy my lunch at my desk just like how I love them. I am not expected to be dressy but I have made a mental promise to myself that I will at least try to dress up better and to get a well curated wardrobe as I progresses into this job. Sometimes it is overwhelming at work- because I can’t seem to juggle things well, sometimes it does get to me that they gave me too much but then I am reminded of the time when I don’t have any thing to do but complaint about how difficult it is to land a job. There will be days when I hate going to work, there will also be days where I enjoyed work- life just need that sort of balance you know.
But, even when things doesn’t exactly go my way- I need to always remind myself that I, we, need this job more than ever. and that I gotta be strong, my kid gotta be strong. We need to survive this fog.
My future du’a for this job?
That this will be a good one for me,and our small family and from this job I’d get to save up, finish all my debts, buy a house and treat my parents well. as simple as that, really.
So after much hassle and troubles we finally move into our new place. The move itself was chaotic because everything was so rushed and the fact that we got so little time to do everything makes it even more difficult. Thinking of it still gave me headache and lethargy. nevertheless, lets focus on the bright side- we have moved!
I have to make sure that I make a lot of du’a praying that this is the last house that we will live in and hopefully the next one is our own permanent home. I gotta say that this move will not happen if it wasn’t for my sister in law who helped a lot! I am most of the time out of energy because of my low blood pressure most probably because of not eating right throughout the weekend. like I would totally black out from the world in a matter of seconds.
And all the packing and unpacking goes to my husband and SIL and God bless these two for doing so many physical work, I can’t even imagine the lethargy that they are going through.
The house now looks decent and ready for guests and the only part that needs some work is the wet kitchen. the sink doesn’t quiet work and we have been struggling with washing the dishes. Also, I need to re organize the pantry and the cabinets so that it will be easier for us to navigate in the kitchen later. but goodness! i barely have energy even to walk in the house!
Please pray that I have heaps of energy soon and that this house will be a hppay house for us, InsyaAllah.
GTG, work now
I have to write this down. Just to get myself sanity.
We are about to move. To somewhere closer to my work. And this is another transition this year for us. and please, let this be the last. and husband may have to work over in Perak and will be commuting on daily basis so another transition.
I have so much hope for this new place. Our current place sucks every bit of positivity in me and it is obviously affecting our lives. I pray for this new place to give me new spirit to start fresh and bright at the new work place since it is so near and give me a breath of new strength as a wife and mother too. since I wont be tired with travelling, at least i should have energy to function as a mother and wife. I sure do hope that I can cook better, and be a more positive person, both spiritually and physically. I still am a little bit more skeptic about the surrounding but every time I got that thought, i can’t help how much I love the insides of the house. And keep going back to the ideas of how that house is functional for all of us.
THIS HOUSE HAS TO BE A POSITIVE HOME FOR MY KID.
omg I cannot stress this enough. The current house is sooo negative it sucks all fun in us as parents and the kid is running out of things to do as well since it is such a small space. When families come over they don’t exactly have their own space and I just hate that. I can’t cook much because i hate my current kitchen and the fact that it is soooo stuffy there now, i just. can’t.