Today is 1st of July 2014. This year has been a year of adaptations in my life. So many changes that I am constantly trying to adapt. Different responsibilities at work, major 360 degree changes as a wife, and relationship with my family has taken to a new turn as well. Growing up, I believe I have different values compared to my family and these values are not the same as the ones that they are upholding.
Marriage— the ones that we have in our house is never the ideal marriage. There’s bumps everywhere, I am not saying it is bad but the situation is different from what I had imagined. There is no signs of affection shown around the house, no sharing of food to strengthen the bond, no casual discussion over matters. Compromising is not a big word in our household as I grew up. (or maybe it was just me not seeing it)
Discussion– what would be normal is everything will be emotional and followed by arguments or raising of voice. There is no decent discussion until a certain matter is resolved.
Parenting–I did not grew up in an environment that is warm and cuddly. The only time I can hug my parents was when I am about to board the bus, saying goodbye. In our home, hugging and kissing is very rare, whereby our Prophet says that is a sign of affection between members. I grew up believing that everything the elderly says is true and I have to abide it.
(Don’t get me wrong. I am not highlighting all these to say that my family is a wreck. No. All I’m saying is my family is not perfect. Any families are not perfect. But these are my family’s imperfections.Others may vary.)
Until education came into the picture and I can now see what is and ideal family and marriage and parenting looks like.
My mother always say that I can talk well especially when something is not in favor to them and that I have to argue. Thus she avoids talking to me regarding certain matters. I did not study to be ignorant towards what I have learnt thus voicing out when I think is necessary is only fitting, not rebellious. This, is sadly, a constant battle that I have to adhere when it comes to family.
My parents taught me a lot of things and growing up I picked the values that I think suits me. For instance, on how my mother sew clothes and my father make things around the house. To me that is very valuable. Up until now I am proud to say that my mother sew my school uniform ( talk about tailor made-this is custom made with love, man) and that my father designed my room according to how I want it to be until the furniture fits. I am also proud to say that my mothers shrieking voice is the reason why I have the urge to keep brushing up on my English as she always said mine is horrible. I was the only one sent to a religious school thus the values that I picked is different but that doesn’t mean mine is the righteous.
For the constant changes and learning, I pray that Allah grant me the strength to withstand whatever that may come my way. This is my future and my journey towards Jannah, so crucial that I feel like I have to always fight for it. People may not understand this situation of mine, but one day, insyaAllah. Maybe you will.
The beauty of Islam is that husnudzon, always see the good even in the bad.
PHEW. that is a long one.