You say your vows, promised each other good future and go ahead living your life together thinking that you both equally plays the same part. Until one decided to do the exact opposite. I cannot digest the thoughts of a cheating partner whether it’s with another woman, another man or another thing- cheating is basically doing injustice to your other half- and it doesn’t really matter whether it is person or another agenda. It is unruly to have a partner that just coexist and do nothing else other than that. Perhaps it is easier when it is another person but when it is another agenda- cheating because you’re too busy at work, socialising with colleagues or simply playing games – it is a revoke towards the mutual trust that you both agreed and promised each other at the beginning of the marriage.
It doesn’t mean that when it is not a person that has caused the distance- it is any less wrong. The whole concept of a marriage or a relationship is that you can spend your days and thoughts with each other and if the two of you simply exist in the same spectrum but didn’t quite relate- then how different are you than the passers by?
Having a partner myself reminds me of the same idea over and over again- that I should put myself forwards to him and only him- none other. I was once approached by an old crush who had grown up into very fine young man but in dire need of affection that he did not get from his wife. I was sane enough to shoo him away to his wife than falling into the cheating trap. I was only sticking to my partner and respected him in any ways possible. and then it daunted me- what if the effort is just on my end and not his?
Sudden change on behaviour and decisions are also triggers that irks me the most and this is what causes suspicions. I have to say that it is very unhealthy to a relationship. From an unresolved arguments- leads to unsettled issue and then it became too awkward to hold hands. These leads to suspicions and distrust. at some point I just stop trying to make amends and just leave things be.
Why does making things better always has to be an effort from the woman and not then man? Why can’t they start it first- say sorry first ( and saying sorry like you mean it not just for the sake of ending the argument or worst for the purpose of mocking), give flowers first, give presents first, make peace first, kiss first. Why doesn’t anything affectionate must come from the woman first?
So what do we do when things has come to this point? Do we remain silent and not think about it? or talk about it and make a scene out of it? or just go on with your life as if nothing happened? ( in my case it’s ab it tricky because I have my sil living with us so drama are really not suitable for public affairs)
I just hated the fact that my partner always takes thing so lightly especially when I am not too happy with what he decided. And the fact that he ignored the sulking that I was going through as if it wasn’t his fault. ( like hello, you’re the only reason im sulking- fix it!) He has this idea that somehow letting thing go or be would make it better or go away when in fact it is actually making things worst- I tend to think less of him, making my heart like him less and making me see less of his good side. In Malay words- failed miserably at ambit hati isteri sendiri.
I just wished that he realised that all his actions towards his wife is actually pahala and that Allah shows mercy to husbands who does that a lot. Rather than playing his stupid games that doesn’t;t quiet earn him any points- letting his wife sulk is the worst thing he is doing in a marriage. That every single thoughts that he has on his wife is pahala rather than spending so much time a games and friends. That every single smile, words and actions upon his wife is blessed by Allah rather than spending so much time with friends that doesn’t quiet benefit him here or the hereafter.
is he a bad partner? well, partially yes. He is a great brother and father but a lousy husband. I just wished sometimes that his late dad would still be alive and advice him on this. But nope, I don’t have that card. Everyday I can feel that I love him less, as much as I want to be more, and day by day I feel like we are mere roommates and not soulmates. Some part of me actually feel like I am in a training that one day I may not have him by my side and that Allah wants me to know that I will be okay if not better that way. I don’t know. Is it because too much intervention with his side of the family- maybe. But that is not up to me to say. I just wished that he is more focus on me and kids rather than anything else. that he put more effort in me and kids than anything else.
Somehow I feel like I am living with a cheating partner.