annah hariri is a self taught fashion designer and dress maker.

sugar bytes operates on cakes and pastries starting off from personal interest

danish harraz learns to cook from youtube.

i can be so too if i put my mind to it.

now my mind is to make thousands through things i can cook.

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Personal Growth

So, here is a thought.

Social media feeds low self esteem. I’ve been on social media a lot. Lile really a lot and while I was doing my usual chores today I realize that wow, I spent most of my day scrolling my phone for no apparent reason- I didn’t do it to gain followers or like since O barely approved any requests or responded to the reactions, the platforms itself doesn’t do me any good- I didn’t learn or acquire ew knowledge except for gossips and trends which are not exactly useful for self growth. So, really, why, after all these while, do I still bother to spend my precious time scrolling it?

today in the bathroom i realise that and I hate the fact that I didn’t bother changing it. So, I came up with some thoughts.

I know there are people out there, mothers especially, chose to be home and be with kids but at the same time try to do something in benefit of oneself. So, why can’t I?

I need to be in the positive state of mind. I don’t spend my days with toxic people because I am a sahm. so, where did my brain feed on negativity? literally, the feeds. Instagram, twitter and facebook are my daily go tos and I am not proud to say that I easily sell myself low comparing to what other people are doing. But i do know one fact- if something is giving you a bad vibe, stay away from it. So, I guess it is high time for me to stay away from these socmed easily by uninstall the apps in my phone and the rest is just self discipline.

Now, socmed das always been there for me so if I stop that, i would be in boredom. So, i suggest myself to go back to papers. yes, read! It is high time those books got some flipping and get my mind working. I know I will get bred easily bit here’s a challenge for myself- write. After every read( be it finished or not) write a review on the book or current read. surely people have heard of movie review so why not book review. This way I get to read and practice my writing!(I’ll be lucky if I can make money from it haha)

remember when I plan to get going this upcoming new year? people are going forward furthering studies,landed new job, new abode and yes, I want to join in that wagon. i celebrate small efforts and this is one of them.

let’s make sure that this social media cleanse is just what I need. To get better and actually be better. insyaAllah

The Next Slide

In a few hours time, we will be moving to yet, another house and I a awake since 4 a.m can’t quiet figure out what I’m feeling. Either nervous or excited or both. My mind keep playing the images of what I want to do come sunrise and the list just goes on and on. The sudden decision to move has also make me feel nervous about breaking the news to our current landlord because basically we didn’t give a notice in advance but rather burning our deposit of one month. I think that part is sorted.

Also, I keep imagining what I want to change at the new place, on how we live our lives. I’d love to list them just so that I remember.

1) I want us to pray more, together. And since this place is nearer to the mosque, It would be great if we can make weekly visits and hopefully daily visits too.

2) I want to wake up for fajr and didn’t go back to sleep but rather just continue doing chores and exercise, cook breakfast for the kids.

3) I want to exercise more. Now with the space of the house even mopping is an exercise so yeap, get up and do it!

4) I want to earn. I’ve been wanting to clear off debts and for a year I’ve tried applying for jobs avail. So I might as well do something with this able body and mind of mine and start earning rather than complaining. Maybe if i work hard enough, I may not need to go back to work which is great because that would mean I get to be a mom more.

5) I want to create aesthetics on the house- decor, diy projects. Make the house beautiful and Pinterest worthy even if it’s just storage area. research and sell the ideas to my husband and make it work. This is important based on two foundation- a) it’s basic human instinct that we love nice things and b) good homes=good vibes. take my time (but not too long) and make it work. Get crafty with a budget.

6) The last one is more to me but I think I ned to have this. CREATE A NEW, PRIVATE instagram account to record your daily musings of living in the house. This is for memories sake as I just lovee looking back at what we have gone through but current account is open to public and I can’t be transparent enough. So, this ew account will enable me to just post anything with only my husband as the follower. Capture my fav moments, fav corner(and also a way of identifying which corner is Pinterest worthy),moments with the kids, the guests,the cookings. Anything. Simply try taking aesthetically worthy shots.

that’s all I can think of now.

If you notice that I used ‘I want’ but indeed the house consist of me and husband plus kids. So at some point I will have to calibrate this with him just to make sure that we are on the same page.

Bismillahitawakkaltu’alallah. Biiznillah wa ittakillah

Ultimately, I pray that this move brings more good to us and brings us closer to Him, to each other and that it benefits many close to us, insyaallah.

The Big Three O

the only photo i took

Today I turn 30. A whole new era and my big day started great. I woke up and have breakfast with my husband,just the two of us. I wasn’t picky on the food and diet is exempted on this day. What matters is the company and I always love it when we get to do things just the two of us. Then we go through things to do on this big day. Lunch with the kids at my fav place and so is dinner. I mean it’s a celebration and not having to cook is something I can celebrate since that is what I do every day now. We all went out, having good time,taking photos as family and just embracing the new age. Opening my gifts no matter how big or small, what matters are the thoughts and I know, no matter what I got I will keep it dearly. Then after a whole day out, just a relaxing cuddle before bed with kids and husband.

NOT.

That was FAR from what actually happened.

The fact is I woke up and went to the market with my husband and baby, went back home- husband left for work, left home to handle kids, clean up, clear the stuff from market and cook big lunch. By this time I was emotionally drained that I don’t even have my birthday mood. So drained that I decided to fuck everything and take a nap while nursing my kid. Woke up to an empty house apparently husband left with my first born to a football game leaving me at home nothing to do. At night past dinner, went to the dryers and back home.

pathetic? yes. that is the reality of my big three o.

to be honest i look forward to more effort from my husband but who am i kidding. he is the last person i should expect that because appreciating me is not his strong suit but he is alao the only person i expect these things coz he is the only one that matters. Unless i asked him to do things, anythingg else I better rely in myself to get it done. 5 years of being married the best that he did was to bring me out for lunch or dinner

presents? none. at least none that i remember after we git married.

so who am i kidding,right. pffff, it’s just another regular day in my fabulously pathetic life. enough about looking forward to birthdays. im done.

happy birthday nd!

f this day. im off to sleep.

xo

My 21 Day Challenge

Over the weekend, I turn a blind eye and decided to just eat whatever I want. All the sugar, all the food without even hesitating a bit. No guilt whatsoever. This is because I want to give this drill a try- 21-day diet challenge.

So basically it is like an egg diet or more like no carb diet. Almost Atkins but I’m not so sure on how Atkins work so I am just giving this a try. It wouldn’t be much of a challenge to eat no carbs since I am used to it throughout weekdays. The real challenge is to stick to it and also the temptations of sugary stuff like cake and desserts. I do hope with planning, I would stick to it since I always have troubles thinking of what to eat and then would succumb to eating whatever I can find instead of finding the healthier options.

Basically, my meals would look like this:

BREAKFAST-

Fruits and 2 Eggs every day

LUNCH-

Alternate fruits, Salad, chicken, cheese and whole wheat bread

DINNER-

Alternate Salad with Chicken, 2 eggs,or Fruit Salad.

 

SNACKS-

nuts or crackers and LOTS OF WATER

 

I think I can live with the menu AND i SHOULD AT LEAST GIVE T A TRY FOR A WEEK!

 

Bare in mind I still breastfeed so it could be a bit of a challenge but I am also kind of hoping that the breastfeeding would accelerate the whole process of losing weight.

My starting numbers are:

WEIGHT: 86.5 kg

WAIST: 44″

HIP: 45″

BUST: 43″

ARMS: 14″

Thigh: 27″

As you can see my inches are very much a pear and I hate itttttt. It is seriously hard to look good in any clothes. Most of them a men’s cutting. urgh. I also have to make sure that I drink at least 7 cups of water in my tumbler per day. Not to forget a little exercise as they say 80% food, 20% exercise to make it visible. I’m going to go with body toning and HIIT Tabata at least 3 times a week if not every day. I NEED TO! The last time I did it I can truly see the changes and even my mom compliments the changes. imagine the result if I were to persevere!

Let’s just hope that I can do it. please please please I need to do this for my own sake. not for anyone else but me.

 

Updates soon!

 

XOXO

 

 

it is easy to feel love when you have something to fall back to;

a ring on your finger

a wedding album

an old invitation card

anniversary gifts

or many other forms of appreciation from one another.

try having none and still have to believe that everyday, your spouse love you more day by day.

as of today, i have none with me, my body has grown out of shape thanks to pregnancy, my youth has fade, my positivity submerged by vigilance, my spirit has outgrown its belief

and yet, I have to convince myself of how my husband loves me more day by day.

it is not a surprise if i feel like

im a maid instead of a wife,

im a nanny instead of a mother

also my thoughts;

perhaps he’ll love me closer if i have money. or slimmer. or less edgy.

because now, i am being pushed from so many directions to work, to make money, to slim down and to get back up.

since marriage, i have put others first instead of my own, and when turned into a mother, there is no more “me”.

so now,feeling like crap, what can i fall back onto? looked at my fingers i got no ring, to look at photos i have none, to appreciate gifts tht i don’t have is difficult.

everytime i feel crappy, i look at my kids and thank Allah for allowing me to feel such love. my heart could burst for the love i have for them. for my husband not so much now. alah, he is the same too. no more holding hands walking, no more good morning/night kisses, no more hugs,gifts or surprises. no more nice words when together. my heart can beat just fine for him but for my kids, it’ll burst for the love i have for them.

thank you Allah.

Post Travel Blues

just came back from traveling to a different state with my husband and trust me, I look forward to this trip for more than a month. Then my sister in law came and live with us, which makes me feel not so excited about traveling anymore. Prior to this trip I have to prep frozen meals for her and decided that I’d bring the meals too so that I can help my husband save some money on food. To be honest, I look forward to eating out on this trip since there were so many things that I miss!

So,there I go, prepping meals, packing and planning- it was all so so tiring for me. Here is what makes me lost joy in the plan. I had to make sure that we got everything and it wasn’t a team effort. By the time we checked in to our apartment, I was so tired and my emotions are drained, I have no feels for whatever.

And the feeling kept on going for the rest of the duration when we were there. I couldn’t be bothered with whatever my husband wanted to do because apparently none of them included celebrating me- his wife. It was all about the kids. You see, as a housewife who stays in most of the time, traveling is a big deal and it is almost like an escapism for me from my endless duties. I even cancelled meeting feifrie because i figured this time,the trip should be for us since we no longer have privacy at home.

Now get this. I understand that this is not exactly a holiday, I was tagging along with my husband who attended a course, so anything related to the course falls number one, and everything else has to go after that. Which means i have to make sure that he is well rested so that he can join the course fully energized. Which also means no pointless drive out at night just because I miss the city or a random trip to a local naan shop. During the day, I’d be stuck in the room entertaining the kids mking sure that they are well fed, well rested and basically have fun even in the room. Why not go out by myself with the kids? well, I am not independent financially nor strength wise. so, scratch that.

i think i did well on this trip- planning ahead helps keep my sanity of being locked up in the room the whole day. bought many toys to keep kids occupied, and packed frozen food to save money. I’d give myself a pat on my head for trying so hard. Even when nobody acknowledge that not even my husband.

drawing towards the last day there, I still look forward to family activities but nay. I consider the MRT ride one and that was because none of us were on our phones and I can really see the kids being happy with us. But that was it. I keep dreadingand delaying the time to go back because it sucks to go home and be a mommy to everyone- having to cook and clean after everyone- having to make sure everything is ready all the time, and having no time for myself or even time to have a decent, let alone romantic convos or gestures with husband- having to put on my “maid” uniform back again and planning on meals and cleaning up the kitchen. urghh. dread.

i guess what kills about this trip was that none of what I want to do matters. hence the thought of all of those was just so tiring. perhaps next time I don’t want to tag along. saves a lot of time, energy on my end. and husband gets to have peace all he wanted(not that i don’t need it myself but kids are attached to moms no matter what)

so back home now with the blues from traveling, none of my feelings matters, and so so so not in the mood to do anything. im just so tired of being a mommymaid. and well, judging by my husband’s reaction- I don’t deserve to feel tired or unhappy or whatever.

so yeah.

 

be right back. will travel when kids rea in college.