Nur Kasih 15999

Yesterday when we picked up baby A from the nursery we noticed that there are some bruises under his eyes and on his arm. Our first reaction was to either panic or stay calm. As parents, it is only normal for us to be protective and we went straight to the source and asked the teacher in charge as well as the  principal of the school.

After texting both, which to our disappointment, they both did not gave us the reason to why this red and blue bruises appears on his arm and face. We were appalled by the reactions given by other parents in this matter too. some took it lightly saying that it could have been an accident or the kid fell. but I can assure you that the bruises does not seem to be at the place where he fell and got them.

We know for sure that we need to do something so that this will not be left as something light. negligence of the teachers when things could have happen a lot worst is the last thing you want to happen when your child is at the nursery.

so we called. and case reported. as of now baby A stays with his dad.

So I am back as a career lady and I honestly have no idea how to feel about this because after one year of unemployment and being a SAHM, I know at some point that will be my comfort zone. But I also remember how frustrating it is to not have something serious to be done or to even dress up to work. Also not forgetting the part where no large sum of money banked in to your account every end of the month.

So, I guess that is basically my motivation- to get up, dress up and earn. For now the job is super far away from home that it requires me to take the MRT and not gonna lie, I was nervous at first. but as of today, the second day I slowly can get use to it and sort of liking it.  Although it includes some walking (which is not an armpit friendly thing to do in Malaysia) but I guess I can see that as the much needed exercise for my thighs.

Dressing up is a problem. because being a SAHM for a year, I lost track of my wardrobe. Let alone a functional wardrobe for work. Makes matters worst is that I am now expecting which means that I will, WILL grow bigger. I am glad that the company that I work at now doesn’t apply strict rules on what we wore as long as it is not a pair of flipflops or jeans. Super relieved this morning when husband actually ask what exactly is my plan for my wardrobe now that I am pregnant. At least somebody is paying attention and I don’t have to figure out everything. I can honestly see me shop for something new soon.

My prayers has been answered. The fact that I want this- our morning scenario- waking up early, going to work and nursery together instead of just one parent- and coming home together as unit too. I somehow wanted this. Yes, there may be challenges to it but yesterday this thought came to my mind- If  God puts me in this hardship to give me a better life then I shall embrace this and enjoy every moment of it.

 

God I love typing on my keyboard. So smooth and my PC is such a coolio- touchscreen ftw!

 

well, Update more in a bit. I wanna get familiar with company’s website now.

 

have a great day dinie. and everyone!

xoxo

3 Good News in One Day

After what seems to be a constant downs in our lives, one day everything seems to be better and there is ope again. to survive.

Ted got a job in the same state as we are now, a little far but okay.

I got a job too!

Baby A will be a big brother!

 

that explains the constant fatigue and lethargic i have been going through and its a bit too early but I am already vomiting everything out. #isthistwins

 

so much to write but until  master my mantra- I AM ENERGETIC I AM ENERGETIC,

TTYL

Welcome Fourth

We survived third year of marriage and it was hell.

No, not really. But I can guarantee you that it is not all sunshine and rainbows.

This date today is the first that I have no memory at all, like i completely forgot that today is a special day and that is highly unlikely of me. I’d always be the excited one to remember and to try make it special. I guess it was never special to begin with. I was never celebrated in a special way, no special gifts, not even a celebration with family. perhaps that is the reason why I subconsciously think that today is nothing memorable. Apart from the date that my life has changed. Commit my whole life to a guy that I thought would take care of me better that my parents would. Who would actually listens to my never ending rants and stories. Who would always make me his priorities and never procrastinate on how to make me happy. because simply, he, above anyone else would have known better on how to make me happy. As I am a very simple woman.

The skies breaks again, with thunders this afternoon. And so is my heart. torn between celebrating this very day or not and wonders why would I celebrate something that doesn’t even celebrates me?why go through the hassle?

People say the first Five Years of marriage is the toughest and being in my position now I’d love to believe that that my fifth year will be a whole lot easier. The thing is  I am surrounded by people who are always celebrated in their marriage, first five years doesn’t even seem so tough on them. then I ask, why is it so tough on me?

 

Being Thankful

In the midst of every thing that is happening in my life now, I read a blog and its content couldn’t be more perfect for my circumstances right now.

‘Kak Di senanglah nak rasa bersyukur, kak Di serba ada. Tak de rasa tak cukup duit tak cukup serba serbi nak bayar macam macam’

It is really easy to be thankful wen you have so many things going on with your life isn’t it? A good career, a loving husband who always buys you presents just because, a great family etc etc.

Her response?

Se said not really, she said she has always been thankful even before she got all of those.

She chose silver linings.

 

Ok, so with the very bit of positivity in my head that I have now, here let me put down my silver linings.

  • I am  thankful that I have my supportive husband even when I am not all positive.
  • I am thankful for a carefree child that still looks for my hug every time he wants to sleep.
  • I am glad that I live in a good house, good amenities even when we seem to be struggling with everything. At the very least I feel very safe.
  • I am thankful that I can eat whatever I want even wen I am the one who has to make it.
  • I am thankful that my body is healthy, fat,but healthy.
  • I am very glad that my son is a healthy child.
  • I know for sure that I have to be glad that my husband is now working.
  • I am relieved that my house is a home and that my husband looks forward to staying home instead of out.
  • I am glad that now I can drive a comfortable car with the help of a friend.

i really had to squeeze my brain to come u with these.

Dread

It is an understatement to say to say that my life is challenging now. Things has been rocky and it is not easy. being mentally strong seems bleak.

It is week two for Ted working away from home and I don’t like every single bit of it. Baby A has been difficult too probably from missing his dad too much. At his age his dad is basically his best friend and that one taken away is difficult for him. I can see it in his eyes.

I have been pretty negative too about this whole situations to the extent of blaming some part of it to the divine. Bad, I know.

Truth is, it is so difficult to remain positive when all you got is scraps of your previous awesome life. when so little things are there for you to hold on, being positive seems like a challenge and days goes by corroding each and one of them bit by bit.

At this point of life I am tired of being constantly angry at my husband for not trying hard enough to give me a good life. I got 1001 reasons why he is the reason to all of what I am going through right now but also, 1001 reasons why he is the reason I am still holding on. I am just hoping that I am holding on to something sturdy instead of something so, so fragile and its just me not seeing it now.