just came back from traveling to a different state with my husband and trust me, I look forward to this trip for more than a month. Then my sister in law came and live with us, which makes me feel not so excited about traveling anymore. Prior to this trip I have to prep frozen meals for her and decided that I’d bring the meals too so that I can help my husband save some money on food. To be honest, I look forward to eating out on this trip since there were so many things that I miss!
So,there I go, prepping meals, packing and planning- it was all so so tiring for me. Here is what makes me lost joy in the plan. I had to make sure that we got everything and it wasn’t a team effort. By the time we checked in to our apartment, I was so tired and my emotions are drained, I have no feels for whatever.
And the feeling kept on going for the rest of the duration when we were there. I couldn’t be bothered with whatever my husband wanted to do because apparently none of them included celebrating me- his wife. It was all about the kids. You see, as a housewife who stays in most of the time, traveling is a big deal and it is almost like an escapism for me from my endless duties. I even cancelled meeting feifrie because i figured this time,the trip should be for us since we no longer have privacy at home.
Now get this. I understand that this is not exactly a holiday, I was tagging along with my husband who attended a course, so anything related to the course falls number one, and everything else has to go after that. Which means i have to make sure that he is well rested so that he can join the course fully energized. Which also means no pointless drive out at night just because I miss the city or a random trip to a local naan shop. During the day, I’d be stuck in the room entertaining the kids mking sure that they are well fed, well rested and basically have fun even in the room. Why not go out by myself with the kids? well, I am not independent financially nor strength wise. so, scratch that.
i think i did well on this trip- planning ahead helps keep my sanity of being locked up in the room the whole day. bought many toys to keep kids occupied, and packed frozen food to save money. I’d give myself a pat on my head for trying so hard. Even when nobody acknowledge that not even my husband.
drawing towards the last day there, I still look forward to family activities but nay. I consider the MRT ride one and that was because none of us were on our phones and I can really see the kids being happy with us. But that was it. I keep dreadingand delaying the time to go back because it sucks to go home and be a mommy to everyone- having to cook and clean after everyone- having to make sure everything is ready all the time, and having no time for myself or even time to have a decent, let alone romantic convos or gestures with husband- having to put on my “maid” uniform back again and planning on meals and cleaning up the kitchen. urghh. dread.
i guess what kills about this trip was that none of what I want to do matters. hence the thought of all of those was just so tiring. perhaps next time I don’t want to tag along. saves a lot of time, energy on my end. and husband gets to have peace all he wanted(not that i don’t need it myself but kids are attached to moms no matter what)
so back home now with the blues from traveling, none of my feelings matters, and so so so not in the mood to do anything. im just so tired of being a mommymaid. and well, judging by my husband’s reaction- I don’t deserve to feel tired or unhappy or whatever.
be right back. will travel when kids rea in college.